I'm heading to Japan soon, but this time, my husband is staying behind.
When I told him, "I want to go alone," he immediately said, "Okay!"—no questions asked. Of course, I don’t need his permission, but having his full support makes things so much easier. Not only that, but the moment I found a great deal on a ticket, he went ahead and bought it for me, along with covering the accommodation costs. Seriously, he’s amazing!
While I’m away, he’s been thinking about how to make the most of his time and decided to invite his brother (who lives in another state) and his best friend over. Now, he’s planning outdoor concerts, baseball games, and music festivals—his kind of fun.
We love traveling together, but we also enjoy taking separate trips and making the most of them. This is exactly the kind of balanced, fulfilling marriage I always dreamed of.
Last fall, when we were in Japan together, I told my husband—who’s still getting used to Japan—“This time, I don’t want to do any sightseeing.” Instead, I focused on my own plans. He was totally fine with it, figuring out his own itinerary and having a great time in his own way.
Whenever we plan to meet up after I’ve finished my errands, I’m always the one running late. Whether it’s in front of a building in Ginza or outside Daikanyama Station, I always spot my husband quietly waiting for me in the middle of the crowd. And every time, my heart skips a beat. I can’t help but feel grateful for his patience and kindness.
He also has this amazing ability to connect effortlessly with my friends and family, blending in naturally wherever we go.
In our daily life—he takes care of so much that I’ve hardly ever felt any of the hassle or complications that can come with remarriage. Even those around us are surprised by how seamless it’s been. From the outside, our marriage might look like I get my way all the time!
No matter how close a couple may be, if one person takes the other’s kindness for granted or insists too much on having things their way, the relationship can start to fall apart. I’ve experienced this firsthand in the past, and I’ve also been in relationships where I was the one constantly adjusting to my partner’s needs. Being too selfish just doesn’t work.
But then, Abraham teaches us, It’s okay to be selfish!
Isn’t that a contradiction?
For a while, I struggled with this idea. But now, I understand it completely.
Here, being selfish doesn’t mean forcing your opinions on others—it means being honest about your own desires. But at the same time, it’s about letting go of attachment to the outcome. After all, the law of attraction isn’t about controlling people or situations to fit your expectations.
The feeling of wanting to prioritize myself, to honor my own needs, and to finally live authentically—some might call it selfish, but I see it as necessary. And perhaps, as we grow older, this desire only becomes stronger.
At times like this, those considering marriage—especially remarriage—might wonder, Will I have to compromise my own happiness? Will I end up adjusting to my partner’s needs at the cost of my own? That thought alone can feel discouraging. I know because I felt that way for a long time, and I still have friends my age who feel the same.
But here’s what I’ve learned: when you truly honor yourself, you naturally attract people who will do the same.
If you want to be your true, unapologetic self, the right person will embrace that. When you respect yourself, your desires are seen not as selfish demands but as authentic expressions—respected in return. And as you fill yourself with love and joy, your love for others naturally becomes unconditional, creating a beautiful cycle of mutual happiness.
And sometimes, even when you think compromising for someone else sounds like a hassle, the moment you actually go with the flow, everything shifts in an unexpected, effortless way.
Last night, while we were out for a walk, we heard salsa music playing from an open-air bar overlooking the ocean. My husband immediately wanted to check it out, but I resisted, saying, "I don’t feel like it—we won’t even be able to dance properly on concrete—no thanks."
But he gently pulled me along, and just as we stepped in, the DJ started playing all my favorite songs. Before I knew it, I was having a blast, dancing away. With a drink in hand, admiring the stunning night view, and feeling the perfect evening breeze, my energy skyrocketed in an instant.
It was a fleeting moment of happiness, all because I let go of my no and went with the flow.
It’s a small example, but haven’t we all had moments like this?
If you feel like your selfishness is causing trouble in your relationships, it might be worth checking whether your feelings are truly coming from your heart.
If you find yourself needing to have your way no matter what, or getting upset when things don’t go as you want, that’s not your inner voice speaking—it’s something else.